i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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