So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
