She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He? As in you personified your dick?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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