For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
