In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You are the jesus of drinking
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
