I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
