Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
