spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I want a musical about memes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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