Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
barbara walters just said penis...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
