fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize