She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
