Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
