worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
