Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
not ubering you a puppy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
