I'm pants shitting drunk right now
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
