Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
