I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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