and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
