I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
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I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize