There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
