Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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