i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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