They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
