Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
