Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
