I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sorry about my life...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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