He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
