then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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