I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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