But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
