it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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