you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
