We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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