We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
