I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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