Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
