If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We are all done wearing pants today
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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