i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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