Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
