; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
