before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
