Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
