HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hippo gnu deer
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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