Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am naked and annoyed.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
