saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She's the barista slut.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
