Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.