Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here