So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.