I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
