is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.