So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You are the jesus of drinking
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...