guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.