girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.