So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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