morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
