his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
