Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
