also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
