The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
