so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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