I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just invented taco cereal.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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