dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
