This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
