I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
