I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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