I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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