Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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