Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
