She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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