I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
