If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
